As published in Wild Hearted Words
Over the years, I’ve learned that there is no secret sauce… there is no magic pill for creating a fulfilling life or becoming wildly successful.
I AM the secret sauce!
All that I need has been within me all along, patiently waiting for me to RE-MEMBER. I’ve taken to calling this a journey of remembering, a piecing back together of the woman I was born to be, before I had my power taken away, before I gave it away, before I tucked it away.
My name is Patty Staco and I am a woman coming into my own.
It wasn’t until I had my son 12 years ago that I began to remember the woman behind the mask staring back at me in the mirror. I had lost myself decades before, chasing perfect, wanting to please and constantly earning my right to take up space.
I wonder how it first happened, how I as a child, discovered that I had the power to make others happy. Was it the smile I witnessed when I colored inside the lines or cleaned my plate? Was it the response I got after making honor roll? Was it the result of my decision to toe the line and be the perfect child to “make up” for my brother who was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome?
Whether I knew it or not, every single time I made a choice to do and be for others what made THEM happy, I gave up a piece of myself.
I approached motherhood in very much the same way. I had a vision, based on books, the media, the La Leche League, about what kind of mother I should be. By this point, I had spent a lifetime of “shoulding” all over myself. I had set so many impossible standards to live up to and here I was with a child dependent upon me to give him my all, my everything.
I HAD NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE.
Motherhood was the one place where perfection evaded me and in so doing, woke me up to the reflection staring back at me.
Who was I if I wasn’t perfect? I had no idea.
Curled up in the fetal position, feeling like a failure as my baby cried, I surrendered to the pain, to feeling alone, to feeling lost and I embraced vulnerability in that moment because it was the most authentic feeling I had had in years. I started with what felt real, having dropped all expectations of myself and so began my journey of remembering.
I had grown so attached to an old story about who I was, that I had no idea how much it had weighed me down.
How was I going to lighten my load? What was I willing to give up in order to make space, take up space and remember this woman I was born to be?
Owning My Shift
I faced it! My life, the good, the bad, the ugly and I took responsibility for where I was.
Was I willing to give up blame? Was I willing to give up shame? Was I willing to make different choices? I had no choice.
I was willing to try anything.
My outer experience was a reflection of my inner reality as my spiritual psychology teachers would say. I had to turn inward and go deep to discover the unconscious rules and thoughts that I had allowed to govern my life. And, as I began to accept myself and gather and embrace all aspects of me, I could feel the shift begin.
For a good portion of my life, I thought my super power was making other people happy. I know now that my real super power is showing up in the world as me because I am a unique emanation of the Divine, in this body, at this time, with my perfectly imperfect self because it is in the re-membering and acceptance of who I am that I source my purpose, my passion, my life from the most pure and aligned place.
You are the secret sauce… now go ahead and be it and own it, out there in the world.